Fake Smiles and Dirty Words
by Cat's Pajamas
Summary: Rachel finds Josh in his most vunerable state, and herself in a situation she never wanted to be in.


__

This is a story that has been swimming in the back of my mind for some time now, I just never wrote it because I was in the middle of a series. Screw the series! I want to write this! Oh yeah! Max Steel doesn't belong to me. Rah rah! We already knew that. He belongs to, get this I looked it up, Sony, Matel and various other animation companies. I know there is someone I left out, but it's slipped my mind. Remind me later. Of course 'Bed of Lies' belong to Matchbox 20. Duh. If you didn't know that, I'm going to have to hit you. This fiction is rated PG-13 for adult situations and language. Heads up! Now, Demitri and I present…

****

Fake Smiles and Dirty Words

__

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning   
I am

It was late. Rachel should have been home hours ago, but instead she was sitting here watching the stars above her. There was nothing to say and everything to think. Her mind was wrapped tightly around more subjects than it should and was complaining by giving her a monsoon headache. The cold air had calmed her nerves a trifle, as she looked up into the pitch sky. She had taken enough astronomy classes in her years to name each star like an old friend. Her arms were wrapped around her knees as she sat on the dock edge, just staring. The reflection of the celestial bodies swam beneath her in the calm sea, as she let out a soft sigh. Her chin rested on the top of her knees, and she suddenly felt like a little kid again. A little kid out late, watching the stars start to appear. It was so wrong then, the suspense, the feeling of danger. Now, it was allowed, and just perfect. How the world could seem so calm when she was in such turmoil she would never know. It didn't seem fair.

He had left for her tonight. Steel. Laura. It caused a deep ripping inside her. Starting at the base of her spine, and ending at the bridge of her nose, was this agony. Every time he left like this she wanted to fling herself off a tall building. It was getting to be so difficult in avoiding him when he returned, high on love. He would dance in, spin her around, and giggle happily about how perfect his life was again. He never saw how she would creep away to take some anger out on a boxing bag which had mysteriously earned the name _La Laura_. She would scream her name as she fought, each violent act killing off that much more of her. She couldn't let him ever see her like that. That was her excuse. It was getting harder and harder not to break in front of him. Not to shatter when he ran off without more than a hug and a grin. He never had to say anything, she just always knew. 

__

Don't think that I can take another empty moment  
Don't think that I can fake another  
hollow smile  
It's not enough just to be sorry.  
Don't think that I could take another talk about it  


A car's engine rumbled up in the distance, the headlights sprinting across the hills. She raised her gaze for a moment to squint. A red storm streaked across the roads, dangerously violent in speeds. If she had been feeling better, she would have been worried. Josh was probably just on a high after his night out. She closed her eyes, tilting her head slightly to cradle her face on her knees. Rocking back and forth she eased herself into a kind of calm and thoughtless sleep. It was so peaceful out here, with the water splashing up around her, the dock swaying, the loons calling to each other across the distance. She could stay out here forever, just forgetting and listening, but morning would come and with it another day. Another days of lies. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the squealing of brakes, harsh in the serene environment around her. She knew that anywhere sensible for an automobile to be parked was a distance away, but then again sharp noises like that travelled the span. Constant swearing and cursing echoed over the waters, much to her dislike. She didn't have virgin ears, she would never claim to, but they were causing chaos in her perfect little world. Her eyes opened, making their way to the general direction of the racket. There was Josh's car all right, a devilish looking machine that seemed to be stilled at an odd angle. That creature was Josh's baby however, and the thought of him ever treating her badly caused an eyebrow to raise. Maybe he'd got himself a little too high tonight, although driving under any influences other than life seemed unlikely. The headlights were still on however, casting vicious looking watery demons over the water. Shadows crept up on her as she stood, her knees cracking in argument. With practised balance she made her way across the dock, heading towards the _Shadow_ with an irritated look on her face. Her boots clicked lightly on the cement as she finally walked around the shore line and stepped up to the perfect housing units on the waters edge which connected to the main building a way back. Leaning across the wheel she cut the engine with a flick of the wrist, taking the set of keys with her. It had taken her at least fifteen minutes to get herself all the way over here. If Josh had wanted to keep his baby warm while he picked something up, it was long overdue. Making her way up the steps to his room, she paused.

What if he had Laura up there? He was a big boy, she knew she did all the adult things she wished he wouldn't. At least, not without her. She would hate to disrupt an intimate moment. She wasn't even sure she could handle it. Yet, what if he was hurt? Maybe he had hurt himself and was in a hurry to get somewhere safe. She couldn't be sure. Maybe that was why she finished those last steps, standing in front of his doorway. The entrance was slightly ajar, as if he had just let the wind take it where ever it wanted once he had found himself inside. Rachel's eyebrows furrowed as she pushed the door with her palm, looking around the room.

"Josh?"

"Coming."

__

Just like me you got needs  
And they're only a whisper away  
And we softly surrender  
To these lives that we've tendered away

It was a slow response. She had heard her voice bounce back at her before the familiar tone met her ears. She crossed her arms, looking towards the hall from where the noise had come from, trying to put on her most irritated look. It didn't last long.

Josh slipped out of his bedroom, clothed in his typical date wear, yet something was wrong. His usually perfect form was rumpled, as if he had been rolling around. She fought down a blush, knowing exactly where that rolling probably came from. His tan khakis had been ironed once, but now were creased up by the upper thigh and lower leg. His black shirt was stretched tight across his perfectly muscled form, but she somehow knew that it had lay on the floor in a heap hours before. His feet were bare, making him silent as he leaned up against the wall to gaze at her. Finally, she met his eyes, startled by what she saw. They were red, bloodshot, and shimmering as if he was on the bridge between breaking into tears. A rank smell came from the bathroom, and she fought the urge to wrinkle her nose. He had obviously been throwing up moments before she had arrived. 

"You rang?" he said harshly.

"I came to check if you were all right… I heard the Shadow, saw you left her on and-"

"Want me to make this a hell of a lot shorter, babe? I'm not okay. There ya go."

"Do I dare ask why?"

"She doesn't love me anymore. The excitement is gone. I'm nothing more than a boring friend that she's known too long, who has made too many excuses. She wants mystery again."

"Max Steel."

"Fuck Rachel. Max Steel is only part of me… She just wants the charmer who has never let her down, the looks, the deep thoughts at night. She was just using Josh until something better came along. Something like stupid Max Steel. Stupid, fucking me."

"Then perhaps it is better you know now, Josh."

"Don't call me that. I don't have a name."

"Yes, you do. In fact you do better than have a name. You have two names. Josh McGrath. Max Steel. Not many can say that."

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning   
I am  
Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over  
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong  
Where it's not enough just be sorry  


As soon as the words left her mouth, Josh's eyes softened dramatically. His fist met the wall in a pound that shook the room, before he fell to the ground on unsteady feet. His eyes welled up with tears, her arms wrapped around himself in a protecting way. A little boy again. Rachel stepped over towards him, crouching down to meet his eyes as she rested a hand on his shoulder. His head raised slightly to meet her gaze.

"I don't want to say that… I just want it to end now."

"You can't mean that."

And yet, even as she said it, she knew it was true. He didn't want anything anymore. Her hand moved, thumb brushing the tears from his salt stained cheeks. He didn't move from protecting stance, but he almost seemed to regain a part of himself.

"Rach… I regret everything. My life. My love. My lack of freedom. We're all killing ourselves anyway. I want to stick a finger down my throat and throw it all up. I want… I want… I want…"

His grin was wicked as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pulling her down close. He pressed his lips to hers, his tongue violently seeking hers. She was lost then, lost in his touch, and let herself fall into his embrace. Soon she realised what it truly was however, and pulled herself away regretfully.

"I want you."

__

Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in  
Tried to be more than me  
And I gave 'til it all went away  
And we've only surrendered  
To the worst part of these winters we've made

She finally realised the oddity in the room, and couldn't believe it had taken her so long. This place reeked of alcohol. She could smell it on his clothes, his hair, and his breath. His skin was a twist of smoke and booze, and his lips of acids those liquors. He was drunk. Piss drunk. She pushed him off of her lithe form, with a strength she didn't know she possessed. His groan was one of anger, as he took her wrist.

"You know you want me too, hun. I've felt your eyes on me. I've seen the way you wet your lips when we spar. The way you run your hands over my skin that extra moment as you help me up. You can't deny me. I know you can't, because I couldn't deny you."

She looked down at him, sitting on the floor, begging her to stay. She wanted to be in his arms, to wake up with him in the morning, bare under the white sheets. Not today though. She didn't want it like this. So with that final thought, she took his hands and dragged him towards his bedroom. She received little protect until he figured out she was merely putting him to bed. He stripped off his pants and shirt, causing her to look away until he slipped under the covers. Looking down at him, with his blanket up to his waist, she had to fight off all her urges to jump on him right then and there. She smoothed back his hair, kissing his forehead. It was all so right, and so wrong.

"Goodnight."

His hand grabbed her wrist once more, pulling her down close. The other hand wrapped around her waist, and soon she found herself on top of him, kissing him deeply. The hands roamed, the passion flared, and it left them both gasping for breath when they finally pulled back.

"Knew you couldn't resist."

"You knew wrong."

It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. Everything inside her was screaming for her to stay. Everything was telling her help him through this. She ignored everything, and stood up at a fair distance away from his grasp, straightening out her clothes. With a hand she pushed back her hair, and looked at him, square in the eyes.

"I refuse to be a rebound girl Steel. You never seem to be yourself when you decided to proclaim your love to me. Change that one day, and I might have a change of heart. Sweet dreams."

With that she turned to the door, and closed it behind her. She walked through the hallways, down the stairs, and across the waters edge, until she stood where she had started. Sitting on the docks, she wrapped herself around her knees, and cried.

__

I am all that I'll ever be  
When you - lay your hands  
Over me  
but don't go weak on me now  
I know that it's weak  
But God help me I need this  
I will not sleep in this bed of lies  



End file.
